well, in the past half hour i have managed to thoroughly freak myself out regarding the future.

shouldn't i have already received a decision from sussex? true, it may be sitting in my mailbox as we speak at school, but the fact that i don't know that freaks me out.

and notre dame, i only have between a five and eight percent chance of getting in!!!! agh. plus, i feel like my essay could have been so much better.

my harvard essay was a painstakingly crafted masterpiece, but i pretty much *know* i'm not getting in there, nor am i getting either of the two fellowships i applied for.

that leaves bc as my only option. and what if they don't let me in? it was my last application and i feel like i rushed it, and the paper i submitted for a writing sample was only an A- paper, not an A, and i didn't work on it at all, i just handed it in. i should have worked harder on that application. what if it's the only place i get in, or even worse, what if i don't get in?

AND, to make matters all the more worse, my beloved camp is officially sold. they are buying new property, but who knows if it's going to be open?? what am i supposed to do????

i need to be back at school so i have other things to concentrate on.

i need to write some pages of my thesis before i go back, but right now i can't even manage any cohesive thoughts other than the persistent and haunting fear that none of this is going to work out.

to be quite honest, i can't believe that i only applied to my current college four years ago. i was so fucking cocky and confident. i just knew i was getting in. i knew they would take me. why don't i feel like that now???

now the only thing that's certain is that nothing is.

blech.

i wanted to write an entry denouncing george w. bush, but my neuroses took over the keyboard.

last entry next entry