i am thoroughly convinced that i have seasonal affective disorder. today was so nice out... and it made me freakishly happy.

well, the fact that i received matt nathanson's album "ernst" in the mail also helped... it is fan-fucking-tastic, i kid you not. buy it, its only $10 from his website.

anyway, i haven't written in a while because i have been distracted by craploads of work... but i hit the 22nd page of my thesis, which was rather exciting. it's officially the longest thing i've ever written. (i hadn't thought of that until right now. which is kind of freaky, considering i at least have to double it.)

i ran into the HP at the hockey game friday night. he was there with his kids. and ironically the kids ran and picked the seats right next to me. he said his wife stood him up, and then i SWORE he said "good thing she didnt come" or something to that effect.

yeah, i am going to his house sometime towards the end of the semester. so maybe i will go joey potter on his ass and make out with him.

probably not though.

right now i am in this strange place called waiting-for-letters-from-grad-schools. i don't like it here.

i have decided that i am petrified of grad school because i am undoubtedly going to be mistaken for a freshman at least 10000 times. i just pray that i do not have to teach-assist first semester.

(i like how i talk like its a guaranteed possibility that i'm getting in somewhere. but for some reason i feel entitled.)

i feel cheated

and tangled up repeatedly

owed a piece of everything

i finally heard from nicholas yesterday for the first time in six weeks. he's still with his gf and still unhappy about it. part of me wants to tell him to just grow a pair and break up with her. he writes poetry now, and apparently is good enough to have earned a spot in a slam in california. i wish that i knew i was going to see him sometime soon. maybe i would grow a pair and kiss him.

probably not, though.

hrmm. i'm sensing a pattern here.

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