its sort of appropriate that i heard the song teenage dirtbag 14,972 times this weekend... because i sort of acted like one haha. i went up to visit my friends at NP... and let's just say, playing drinking games to the movie "home alone" is a quite dangerous thing especially when the rules are:

(1) drink everytime someone says kevin. [this equals about three beers within a half hour!]

(2) drink everytime a christmas tree appears.

(3) drink everytime someone is injured.

there were more, but i dont remember them... oh, details, how overrated!

anyway, i was out to hook up with this really cute and funny guy who happened to be sort of insane... but i figured hey, this is the sort of guy i could have a wild night with, and i really wanted to hook up with someone to make myself feel better after last weekend's awful fiasco. (god, that sounds so awful, but anyway, i shall continue.)

anyway me and the insane but really cute guy hit it off well (or so i thought...) and i was flirting so shamelessly... it was really a bit much. but that is the beauty of having the visitor's mystique i suppose, and the beauty of having a really crazy hot kid to flirt with... because he enjoyed it just as much.

anyway, somehow, some way, i end up not hooking up with crazy hot kid... but with my friends' friend who we'll call brad, who apparently has zero experience with girls. he was really nice, and he looked sort of like a shorter and stockier version of michael stipe (although i'm just saying that because he had a shaved head, stubble, and a square jaw). but yeah... it was totally one of those experiences where your brain shuts off and you're just like "oooh, i want to make out!" and i felt sort of badly about it afterwards because all of mine and brad's friends suspected that he might be gay because he just doesn't hook up with girls a lot. and then i was thinking like, ahhh! i took advantage of someone who's confused about their sexuality. but then i was thinking-- wait-- he definitely didn't STOP making out with me. and he knew i was drunk, and he was sober... so maybe it was more like a confidence building thing for both of us. i dont know. the bad part is, whenever i do shit like this, i always go back to overanalyzing things the next day. why cant i just be a normal 21 year old and not dissect everything i do into a thousand trillion little pieces and decisions? it was fun, and i should just leave it at that.

interestingly enough, the crazy hot kid actually made my weekend... because i was going on and on about how i suck at flip cup or some such nonsense, and he said "look, you're a pretty girl (and pointed at several specific things he liked about me, so i knew he wasn't just saying it) and really smart and funny (and, since he listed pretty first, i knew he wasn't lying, or just like, tacking it on)-- so stop with all the negative comments and have some confidence!" and after that is when i stopped thinking about shit and had fun.

also... the next night i watched tv with crazy hot kid for like.. seriously not more than a half hour, but it really made me miss the boy... because there is nothing like just sitting next to someone and having them sort of lean on you, and their feet tangled up in yours. and its crazy, but that to me is more important than hooking up. its just-- comfort. and that is what i miss. i miss having a guy to be comfortable around.

anyway, it was a fun time. i have some great friends, and it was good to experience something other than my usual routine. i really have to learn that sometimes if im always trying to be so fucking deep, im drowning myself. so dancing around to awesome music and doing a little making out is fun, and i am glad i did it. and i met new people and i dont think that i was too awfully spastic around them... so all in all, i'd say it was a successful break.

now it just needs to end with me finding a few acceptance letters in my mailbox tomorrow. {please please please!}

last entry next entry