i am old and disgruntled.

pulling away from the gates of my college, i truly felt sad. i cried in the car, silent tears, trying not to look back at that majestic place which i was no longer a part of.

and here i am, sitting at home, which never seems to change. the only difference is i've started to get grown-up mail... i signed my lease saturday, got my first credit card (that i'm keeping, anyway) this week, got pre-approved for a $15,000 loan. all of these things seem to be a separate function of a life that doesn't belong to me. i'm just the one who's been playing guitar, eating turkey sandwiches and drinking cokes, watching movies (as good as it gets, analyze this, jaws, the bourne identity-- all with my parents), and spending large parts of the day curled up in bed. that somehow sounds less depressing than it actually is.

i'm really tired... i've exhausted the limits of my imagination... and of course, have failed to physically do anything other than mope.

maybe tonight i'll go out for a drink.

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