ok. serious problem...

i can't bring a boy to a matt nathanson concert ever again. because, i'm sorry, but my attention is only focused on one place and that is the stage. matt caught sight of me a few times, singing along, and he would just smile this amazing smile and i would die of happiness.

but i wonder... i wonder if i'm doing it on purpose. i could have done something with nick, i'm sure of it. at one point, he wrapped his hand around my waist, but i sort of pretended i didn't notice. what's my problem? why can't i deal with anything real?

i have such mixed feelings. nick is great, and when he's gone i always feel like i should have said something, done something... but when he's here, i don't feel that spark... i don't have that fire lit under my ass to do something that would potentially ruin our friendship.

in short, i am a goddamn chicken.

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