i'm awake now, and i'm not sure why. my body is begging me to sleep (specifically my neck on upward, which is stuffed to the brim with all sorts of fun allergy stuff). my eyes are leaking again, my lips are chapped, my pupils are incredibly dilated.
i had a disturbing dream about a matt nathanson concert. i went, the venue was horrible and someone threw something at matt. i was wearing a red beaded bracelet and the security people thought it was drugs, so they literally dragged me out, i was crying.
this is not a good way to start off the day, checking my phone to see if he has called and he hasn't. i am tempted to think that everything horrible is true... that he has a girlfriend and will never even think of me again. calm down, calm down. he wouldn't have given me HIS number in that case, which he did, he wrote it on a half piece of paper with messy boy handwriting and his last name. he said he would call this weekend, so why would he say that? i mean, *this* weekend. it's a specific goal.
i wonder if it is all worth it, the opposite sex, if all they do is make me crazy. but i would be lying if i said it weren't, those few moments of tangled up blankets and legs and laughter under the covers, studying his strong arms as he lay next to me.
it's those types of moments we spend our lives chasing.

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