i was just moved to tears by matt nathanson. fer real... listen to wide-eyed and full.

my obssession with matt, i've been thinking, although it is not-surprisingly unhealthy, has made me an incredibly happy human being.

the space that used to be occupied by misery has been completely filled by good music.

or maybe, i am just happier now.

it's a strange turn-around, from being half-attached to someone and being desparately bitter, jealous, and miserable, and going to being attached to no one and being, while wistfully optimistic, somewhat mentally sound. a year changes pretty much everything.

i have no idea where i'll be in six months. i have no romantic prospects. (except the boy in my soviet politics class, who today was wearing a shirt which was the coolest color blue i have ever seen. i noticed he has freckles that you can barely see and they gather at his cheekbones and elbows... and i really want to kiss them.)

i am still a wuss. i should talk to guys, but i don't. i shouldn't be afraid to run into people, but i am. i shouldn't spend my entire day on matt nathanson message boards, but i do.

and this is who i am, and that is okay.

i don't believe in the real world anymore, this one suits me just fine.

what was that about being mentally sound?

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