today has been The. Worst. Day. Ever.
(and by today i mean yesterday, monday.)
some matt lyrics to describe:
I'm so tired but you probably don't even know what I mean
I'm full of contradictions and hypocrisies
I'm so tired I don't even know which side of the fighting I'm on
And if I wanted no part of it, you d say I was doing something
wrong
Today was just like yesterday and the day before
I've been taking myself so goddamn seriously and I can't
recall what for
I can t feel the sunshine anymore
I'm so tired of bitching to myself and wrapping up my
emotions to please everyone else
I'm so tired of bitching at all because life becomes so cynical
when You're waiting to fall
And I'm waiting to fall
Today was just like yesterday and the day before
I've been taking myself so goddamn seriously and I can't
recall what for
I can t feel the sunshine anymore
I'm so inspired but you know short-lived inspiration can be
I'll brag about my self-improvement which just ends up lost
inside of me
I've no faith in justice, corrupted by wealth
And I've no faith in my peers, only a fading faith inside myself
first of all, i had the worst dreams last night that my grandmother died. then i woke up and felt really nauseous, then i went to class with a bunch of self-righteous bombastic fools. i was one of THREE people in the class (one of whom was the professor!!) who argued that things (both tangible and intangible) might have an intrinsic value which the market might not correctly measure.
it was so fucking frustrating... that sitting in a class of relatively smart alleged "men and women for others" no one seemed to give a shit about the Just and the Good. no one! they even defended britney spears as a "talented" person. it totally ruined my day.
then later i wanted some sympathy so i brought it up at a meeting of a ridiculously renowned liberal organization which shall remain nameless of which i happen to be the co-chair at my school and *still* amongst these allegedly human rights supporting people, *still* only ONE other person agreed with my criticisms.
it seems that no one believes in anything anymore except for the free market, and i feel so disheartened.
i don't know if i can live in a world where nothing makes sense to me.
i've been so fucking veklempt (i spelled that way wrong, but you get it-- sorry, my yiddish is rusty haha) all day that i haven't even started my three page paper due tomorrow, or studied for my test tomorrow.
i also somehow got into this discussion regarding the psychologists at the counseling center with my roommates, who regarded my opinions as completely wrong, but little do they know i've already been to the damn counseling center, and look at what good it's fucking done me, huh?
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
the one highlight of my day is that there is fundraiser auction which auctions off meals at a professor's house, and the hottie prof is up for grabs. the partial description of the meal (for 5-6 students) is listed:
"Enjoy a relaxing backyard cookout; listen to some tunes, lie in the hammock, chase our two kids around the yard." awwwwwwwwwww! we could listen to u2 together!!!! so my roommate and i are getting together money, but i will have to go to the auction on thursday and outbid some crazy freshmen.
it could get ugly.
(p.s... i just had a disturbing thought that HP might somehow stumble across this website. ah well. c'est la vie... if he does, he should know i have the utmost respect for him and think he's the best professor i've ever had, independent of him being good looking.)
anyway. i obviously have work to do.
waiting to fall
