i have no idea why i am writing. i guess because there's nothing else to do? one of my roommate's father died.
if anyone in my family dies i hope i never have to find out over the phone and have a fucking useless roommate like myself.
i gave her a hug, then i sat on the couch and stared while she cried. i didn't want to say anything. because what does one say without sounding like a fucking asshole? i kept thinking maybe i heard wrong. maybe she actually didn't say her dad died. i don't trust my ears. i stared out the window waiting for her brother to come pick her up... and i kept thinking, god, what is she thinking about right now? can you even think when it happens? i looked at the trees... the branches were swaying gently. almost like they were giant jellyfish floating. people were laughing outside. she went to lie down... and i sat, and waited. i felt so fucking useless and awful. but i kept thinking, if this is the longest half hour of my life, i can't imagine what it feels like to her. i saw his car pull up... i went in her room and she was still sobbing. i felt so dumb, i shouldn't have left her alone like that.
my other roommate doesn't know, she's taking a final right now.. the other one is on her way back up here from new york. i'm supposed to be writing a paper now... maybe i should do it. it will give me something to do.
i know it's awful, really really awful, but i wish i were my roomate taking the final right now. because i'm so fucking useless in situations like these. in anything pertaining to reality.
i just don't know.
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