first of all, it is atrociously hot in this apartment. and, due to allergies, i couldn't breathe for most of the day. luckily, the sudafed i took a couple of hours ago seems to be working.

so i am less miserable now.

i took my first final today, and it was kind of like pulling teeth. i knew i knew everything on it, i just didn't feel like writing it down to prove it. the closer i get to the end of college, the less inclined i am to actually be motivated to do the things i need to do. because then it hits me. this is the last this, and this is the last that. and it's so final.

my mom is now apparently worried about me making it in the real world. she called me today concerned about how i would pay rent. well, i'm concerned too, but fuck it-- i want to do this. i want to go to grad school. and really, i think i need the shock of doing it on my own. of taking out $80,000 in loans. of working two jobs and going to school at the same time.

if i weren't doing this, what else would i do? get a job i suppose. but it's basically the same answer-- i don't want a job. i want to go to school. i belong in school. so i'm doing it. screw money. i can do this. i need to grow up.

this entry wasn't really intended as a pep talk. i'm just thinking out loud. my parents are really overprotective of me sometimes. i understand it... but its strange. i've always proven myself to be responsible and capable. i'm just joining the rest of the world by going into debt... and it's to get to where i want to be. so to me, it's worth it.

my parents are giving me a gigantic graduation party, with over a hundred guests and an open bar. i kind of wish they would give me the money instead, but i'm estimating this will bring me in much more than the party costs. my parents' friends and my family are really generous.

i'm a little bit nervous to be at the center of such a huge party. but it will be fun. nicholas actually might DJ, which would be a blast. although it might be more fun if he weren't the DJ. we will see.

i found out that i'm going to be senior staff at my summer camp this year. i'm really excited. if i limit my summer budget to $500, counting the money i make at work, and the money i make at the party... i should hopefully have somewhere in the neighborhood of $7000. which would pay almost a full year's rent, which would be absolutely amazing.

speaking of, i am meeting josh on monday. he found a 2 br apt right near school for only $1100 a month, with heat and hot water included.. for the area, that is an insane bargain. so cross your fingers for me, peeps, that he is nice and normal, and that this apartment is as well.

i have to say goodbye to one of my favorite underclassmen today. how sad :(

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