i decided to get dressed up. i don't go to parties all that often that are more than just my four friends and i sitting around, getting drunk and watching TV. so i wore my favorite pants, and a tanktop, and makeup... i figured, why not look good?

i picked the right night to do so. i walked in, and my friend rach said, "you look beautiful! doesn't she look beautiful?" to no one in particular. but a boy who i had never seen before, sitting on the couch, looked at me and said "you DO look beautiful."

i smiled, thinking that he was just joking. but later on, when i was in his arms, he whispered "i wanted to kiss you from the moment you walked in the room." and the funny thing is, i sort of believed him.

the more i think about saturday night, the more i want to kick myself in the head for not being such an awkward idiot on sunday morning, and, you know, not giving him my number. (i know, i'm so dumb!) i don't know how much of this i am just building up in my head, making a fairytale of the one that got away, just to give myself something to talk about. but something, something somewhere in the back of my mind tells me that he really *was* nice and sweet and everything that he came off to be.

and now i may never know!

i could track him down, but that would involve telling L., our mutual friend, who was apparently very mad when she found out we hooked up... simply because he was there to visit her, even though they're just friends, and she wasn't the center of attention. so there's that awkwardness. and then, there is the fact that i don't even know if this kid would want to talk to me again! i mean, he didn't ask me for my number, and he could have. i guess both of us just didn't really know what to think. but now i wish that i had done a better job telling him how nice the whole night was, and how i thought he was sweet. i wish i had kissed him goodbye, or said something other than "see ya around," and waved.

i'm one of those people who abide by the phrase "if it was meant to be, it'll be," not because i really believe it, but because it's a convenient excuse not to make things happen. not that i think i would end up marrying this kid, and probably not even end up dating him, since he goes to school like 4 hours away. but, still. i should do something right? it could be something. and something is a hell of a lot better than nothing.

"fate exists, but it will only take you so far. it's up to you to make it happen." -can't hardly wait.

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