i've been meaning to sit down and write for a while.

lately i have just been afraid of becoming dead. for the past few months, music has been what makes me feel alive. the only thing. and that's scary.

i went to this dance last night, and it was fun, but vaguely disappointing. the highlight of my night was this pseudo-crush of mine having noticed my interview with matt nathanson in the paper. he put his arm around me. i had nothing interesting to say, i could barely spit out a thank you. i blew it in a major way.

i think he has an underclassman girlfriend, anyway.

i hate that my problems are that of a fifteen year old. i feel like the most boring and lame person ever.

at the same time, so much unnecessary drama occurred at this dance, i was glad that i don't normally get involved in people's bullshit.

i am simultaneously the oldest and youngest twenty-one year old on the planet.

i guess i just am feeling the weight of uncertainty about the future... and wondering if i have spent the past four years in the right way.

i'm starting to wonder if i have seasonal affective disorder, considering that last year at this time i was in therapy.

one day i'm going to write something really interesting and meaningful.

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